AI 辅助英文写作训练
工具： cursor auto 模式
小孩的写作
Last month, our school held a graduation ceremony, we were happy at that time.
First, our headmaster thanked for all the students and teachers and parents who came to the ceremony.
Next, a student said thanks to teachers and parents as well students.
Last, everyone got together to had a photo.
This ceremony was the most happy time I had, I will remember it for a long time.
AI 作文点评（北京中考书面表达）
1. 评分：78 / 100（良好）
| 维度 | 得分（约） | 说明 |
|---|---|---|
| 内容要点 | 19 / 25 | 交代了时间、场合、校长讲话、学生致谢、合影和感受，要点齐全 |
| 语言准确性 | 17 / 25 | 有多处语法与搭配错误，影响表达准确度 |
| 词汇与句式 | 16 / 20 | 能使用 First / Next / Last，但词汇较简单、有重复 |
| 结构与连贯 | 18 / 20 | 三段式清楚，层次分明，衔接自然 |
| 书写与篇幅 | 8 / 10 | 篇幅约 75 词，符合 70–100 词要求；以电子版为准 |
按北京中考常见档次，本文属二类文（良好）：能完成写作任务，结构与要点较好，但语言错误尚未达到满分档。
2. 写得好的地方
- 结构完整：开头点题（时间 + 活动 + 心情）→ 中间按 First / Next / Last 写过程 → 结尾抒发感受，符合中考记叙/说明类作文习惯。
- 要点齐全：校长、学生、家长、合影均有涉及，没有明显漏点。
- 篇幅合适：约 75 词，落在题目常见的 70–100 词 区间内。
- 衔接清楚：序数词使阅卷老师一眼能看出层次，逻辑顺畅。
- 真情实感：结尾 “I will remember it for a long time” 虽简单，但点明个人感受，有收束。
3. 需要改进的地方
语法与搭配
| 原文 | 问题 | 建议修改 |
|---|---|---|
ceremony, we were happy | 逗号连接两个完整句（逗号拼接） | ceremony, and we were very happy. 或改为两句 |
thanked for all the students | thank 不可接 “for + 人” 表示“向某人致谢” | thanked the students, teachers and parents 或 gave a speech to thank... |
as well students | 缺少 as | as well as the students 或 and their classmates |
to had a photo | 不定式后须用动词原形 | to take a photo / to have a group photo |
the most happy time | happy 的最高级形式错误 | the happiest time |
I had, I will remember | 又一次逗号拼接 | 中间用句号，或加 and |
内容与表达
- 细节偏少：只写了“讲话、致谢、合影”，可增加 1–2 处具体描写（如唱歌、发证书、与同学拥抱等），更易得高分。
- 词汇重复：happy、thanks / thanked 出现多次，可换用
excited、grateful、unforgettable等。 - 句式偏简单：多为简单句，可适当加入 1 个复合句（如
When everyone took a photo together, I felt both happy and sad.）。
可参考的修改示例（末段）
This ceremony was the happiest time in my junior high life, and I will remember it forever.
4. 提分建议（简要）
- 写完后专门检查：逗号不能连接两个完整句子、不定式 to + 动词原形、形容词最高级。
- 背诵 2–3 个与“校园活动 / 毕业”相关的短语：
take group photos、give a speech、look back on、feel proud of。 - 结尾尽量点题并略作升华（如友谊、成长），比单纯说 “remember for a long time” 更有亮点。
文学风格范文（毕业晚会 · 各 100 词以内）
同一题目，用两种美国作家笔法改写；语言力求通俗，保留风格韵味即可，非严格仿写。
AI 创作 《流动的盛宴》韵味（菲茨杰拉德式回忆笔调）
约 76 词
Last month the school held our graduation ceremony, and the hall smelled of chalk and flowers. We were young and we did not know it.
The headmaster spoke. A boy thanked his teachers. Then we stood in rows for a photograph, as if we could keep that morning forever. I remember the light on the playground afterward—it was gold, and it was already past. That was our feast, and it moved with us when we left.
风格说明： 略带感伤与诗意，重视气味、光线等感官细节；用 “流动的盛宴” 喻指青春一去不返却仍被带走的记忆。
AI 创作 《老人与海》韵味（海明威式简练笔调）
约 69 词
Last month our school held the graduation ceremony. The hall was full. The headmaster spoke. He thanked the students and the teachers and the parents. Then a student spoke. He thanked them too.
After that we stood together for a photo. The sun was bright. We smiled. It was a hard thing to leave, but we left. I will not forget that day. A boy remembers what he can.
风格说明： 短句、具体动作、少修饰；结尾一句淡然而坚定，类似 “人可以被毁灭，但不能被打败” 的克制语气，改为少年对日子的铭记。